Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Lost... In Translation pt. 7

Josh Holloway Lost Island Pissed James Sawyer Ford

Wednesday night/early Thursday morning. Is everyone ready for another Lost post? Too bad, 'cuz you're getting one. And since this episode was all about Sawyer, I will be referring to every character by nickname (with the exception of Sawyer)... Even the ones who haven't been introduced yet... so get ready to not understand what I'm talking about.

The episode starts off where we last saw Sawyer and his gang, standing at the well Mr. Clean just went down and disappeared into. As they feebly try to pull a rope out of the ground, The Sixth Sense sees a giant statue, putting their current time into perspective. My guess is that the giant statue is the original version of what is now popularly referred to as 'The Four Toed Statue.'Four Toed Statue Lost Island Mystery Mysteries
However, we barely even get to see the thing before cueball turns the donkey wheel and there's another flash. Er... a SUPER flash, which transports him off the island, and cures the ailments of those remaining. Everybody's nose stops bleeding, the headaches are gone, etc. etc. Well, even though that was the last time flash for the people on the island, it's far from the last time flash we get as a viewer. The story immediately jumps ahead three years.

Down in a hatch somewhere, we see a couple of unknown Dharma lackeys hanging out with some broad dancing, which will apparently piss off Lafleur... Should 'Lafleur' find out. However, the one who's actually getting action decides that it's a safe course of action and continues dancing until the two see something odd on the security cameras. Namely, their boss getting piss drunk and throwing dynamite at random shit. They consider this a very unlikely scenario, and thus decide their best course of action, is to wake Lafleur, even though this fellow is supposedly very scary. So they go get Lafleur, and we're treated to our second big surprise of the episode. Lafleur IS Sawyer.
Josh Holloway dual wielding rifles Sawyer James Ford Lost Island Guns
Apparently Crouching Tiger ain't the only employee of the Dharma Initiative... All the Island folk are. Curious indeed. By official job description, Sawyer is Head of Security, and he works with The Ghost Whisperer. Together they go and pick up the drunken dorkface and bring him back to his house to recuperate, where Pregos, his significant other, tells Sawyer that they fought about her ex-husband who was killed by The Hostiles. Soon after this Belly Bump goes into labor, and we go back three years in time again.

As the gang goes back the way they came, they find the geek kid sitting alone out of his mind, with Ginger nowhere in sight. Timecop says that time will stand still now, regardless of when they are. Sawyer suggests going back to the beach, which Mr. I Talk To The Dead argues with, but no one else has a better plan, so they do it anyways. On the way, they decide it IS a pretty thin plan, but it can be revised later or... right now, as they start to hear gunfire and the sounds of a woman screaming. They run through the woods to the rescue, in time to see a lady getting a bag pulled over her head by two Hostiles. Rushing in to save the day, of course, is Sawyer.
Josh Holloway awesome Sawyer James Ford Gun Action
He pulls his gun and tells the hostiles to drop theirs, but instead of doing that, they predictable try to shoot him. Calamity Jane manages to save Sawyer's ass by blowing the first one away, and Sawyer takes the other one out pretty quickly. As the gang approaches, we see that the lady they saved is Ms. Buninoven from Dharma Initiative, and that her companion, and the reciever of the previously heard gunshots, is her now dead husband. She starts screaming about how they have to bury the bodies because of some kind of truce, AND they have to take her dead husband's body back to camp. Sawyer objects at first, but she's dedicated, and he eventually folds and helps her. Asian Sensation takes the fallen Romeo and they head off for Dharmaville.

Sawyer requests that the others let him do the talking, but before he can get into the finer points of things, Dorkface almost runs right into the sonic fence. Sawyer demands that Widow Girl turn it off and go through it first. She appears to turn off the fence, and alas, passes safely through. However, once the gang of heroes tries to walk through it, they all suddenly start flipping out. The last thing we see before everyone passes out is Gloomy Girl pulling cotton balls out of her ears.
Kate straddling butt buttshot ass assshot hot sexy Kate Austin Austen Lost Island Climbing pillar sonar fence Par Avion
Three Years Pass: Aforementioned Gloomy Girl is now giving birth with only the help of Sawyer and a random intern who has no idea what he's doing, seeing as how her model husband is passed out drunk at their house. Sawyer's gonna need a hand with this one, so he gets Wrinkled Manly Hands herself to come out from under a car she was working on, and come to the infirmary to deliver the baby. She objects at first, of course, but Sawyer is very persuasive in this episode. She eventually caves. As Sawyer's waiting outside for news, Mr. Miyagi shows up and tells him that he still hasn't found anyone. Soon afterwards Doctor Girlfriend comes out of the hospital and informs them both that the baby is a healthy little boy.

Back to three years ago, with Sawyer waking up in New Otherton, or more specifically, in the rec. room of New Otherton. Scruffy comes in to interrogate him, and Sawyer tells him his name is Jim Lafleur, and that he was on a boat searching for another boat (The Black Rock, specifically) and that they had crash-landed. Sawyer also tells him that he's looking for the rest of his men... In return, Drunkspeed tells him 'No' and that he will be put on a submarine off the island tomorrow morning, no buts.

Sawyer rejoins the rest of his group outside, where Timebeard is watching a smaller version of Red play, and trying not to cry. Sawyer fills them in on what they have to do, but he is interrupted by the sound of alarms and people rushing around gathering guns. Sawyer and crew are ordered into one of the Dharma houses, and through the window, they can see The Highlander strutting into town. After communications break down between Guy Liner and The Mathematician, Sawyer asks to speak to Dracula, and then does so without being given permission.
Horace Goodspeed Dharma Initiative Lost Island Purge Dead
Maybe He's Born With It, Maybe It's Maybelline makes a pretty strong point for the truce between The Hostiles and Dharma being broken, but Sawyer counterpoints with 'I killed your men, and I ain't no Dharma.'. Vampy tips his hat to Sawyer with a 'well played, good-sir.' type attitude, but still demands babymama's dead husband's body in payment...

Now... I have no fucking clue what Alpo wants with that body and I ain't asking. I guess a man living forever might get kind of lonely.

After Sawyer saves the day, the Dharma folks are grateful, and decide that Sawyer and co. can stay for two more weeks until the sub comes back around. While Sawyer is excited about this, JuJu says she's gonna leave. Eventually, Sawyer convinces her to do the opposite of her original plan, AGAIN. (When did he get these powers of persuasion?!) He also promises they'll only be there for two weeks, tops...

Which is WRONG 'cuz the next scene takes place three years later again! Still in Dharma Town, Sawyer is on his way home from somewhere, and pick's up a dandelion. He walks into his house and gives it to Man Hands, and tells her he loves her. (Apparently they've become a couple in the past three years... and he has to do something sweet to cover his ass for that '2 weeks' thing.)
James Sawyer Ford Lost Island Juliet Burke
He also visits The Drunken Math-ter (Ok, how many fucking nicknames for Horace can YOU come up with?) and tells him that he missed his kid being born, and he really needs to get his shit back together. Sawyer goes all Dr. Phil for five minutes or so, and ends with talking about how he doesn't even remember Katesplosion anymore. Of course, this statement will be tested the next morning, when he receives a phone call from Zulu telling him that the other's are back. Sawyer rushes out to a very desolate spot on the island to meet Bruce Lee and become reacquainted with Iron Jack, Freckles, and Staypuft. Really, it's just a very awkward Jawyer moment, which just reminded me of what a confusing mix of friendship, hatred, respect, and jealousy those two men have for each other.

Well, that's it for this week, folks. Next one looks to be pretty intense, as predictably, not all the reunions are so friendly. The bad news? Next week looks to be the re-run week. You guys will have to wait a little while before you can watch it... and even longer before you can read about what you just finished watching here.

So, until week after next, Namaste.


  1. So I wanna say that the next episode is actually called Namaste. But I'm not sure. I'm excited, regardless.

  2. Holy crap shit. That it is. That is a strange and bizarre coincidence, considering that's the first time I've ever ended with 'Namaste'. Maybe I'm psychic?